Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
