Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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