Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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