In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I believe in your delicious
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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