Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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