I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
