I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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