areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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