Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
