I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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