ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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