you traded sex for a burrito?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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