I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
