wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
