this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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