Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
