Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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