also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he thought i was a dude.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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