Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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