I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
