i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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