She went from zero to smokin in five shots
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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