I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize