so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
