is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
