im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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