his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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