Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
