I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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