i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
