What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
