Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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