just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
