I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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