when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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