Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
