mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
