Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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