She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
