He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
