i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize