she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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