hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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