just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
