Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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