I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize