I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
