He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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