I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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