im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
