just tell him i said nine months
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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