Buhtt sex?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize