i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
