Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
