Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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