there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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