"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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