i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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