he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
