Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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