Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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