i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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