i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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