i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
