I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
