i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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