I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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