quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
operation have a gay friend backfired
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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